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Multitasking – Why you should avoid it

Being multitalented is excellent and almost a necessity in the audio industry. It is expected of us to be able to do many different things, sometimes even at the same time!

However, I believe multitasking at work should be avoided if possible, and here is my reason why;

The other week I was asked to do a live recording of a band while they performed. We have set up multi-track recording via Dante, which means we can record straight into Pro Tools via a Cat 5 cable. This is great and makes life a hell of a lot easier when doing live recordings.

But also recently, having had a lighting course in the Jester 24 Zero 88 Lighting desk, I now also control the lights more in-depth than we used to.

So this one evening I was going to run the live sound, the lights, and record one of our four acts, while also making sure all the artists were looked after and ready to go for their allocated time slot.

I did not think much of it; I came in early to set up Pro Tools to make sure it was up and running. When that was set up, I prepared the stage and the setups for the different bands. I set up the lights; we had photographers in that evening so we made sure the lights hit all the sweet spots and set the colours, to make sure the artists would look great on picture.

I felt good about having everything set up, ready to go on time, and did not feel stressed at all.

Well, that was until I had the first act on who had almost finished their set. I thought I would do a test recording of the first act to make sure it sounded great for the second act; the band I had promised to record. At this point, I realised I did not get any signal from any of the wireless microphones.

Why?

Well, we have a Yamaha Rio 32×24 stage box, but our Shure Beta 58A wireless microphones we have are directly plugged into the back of our Yamaha QL1. Immediately, I felt fairly stressed as the first act walked off the stage and I simply did not have the time or hands to re-route it in the Dante Controller software.

As the second act walked on stage, I helped them set up and then quickly decided that the vocalist would have to use a wired Shure SM58 running it thru the Rio as I knew this route was already working. Not a big deal, but I definitely panicked for a second as I had promised and confidently said I would be able to record it, and there was just no room for any mistakes. Luckily, I managed and very quickly, came up with a solution though feeling ever so slightly stressed out.

I recorded the band, it sounded great, but I felt that my focus was definitely not where it should have been. It was a live show, and my focus should have purely been on the live sound.

My thinking was that everything was going to go well, it is not like we can predict disaster and obviously, we want all live shows/recordings to go well. However, something I have learned throughout the years it that most of the time, it does not run smoothly and you must leave room for mistakes. No matter how good you are, no matter how many things you think you can do, mistakes happen. Technology breakdowns happen. And when you are alone, you simply will not have the time to solve a problem, and you will cause yourself unnecessary stress.

I did, after all, run a successful night, the band was happy with the recording, photographers were pleased with the lightning, everyone was happy with the sound. However, I did learn my lesson, and next time I will get another pair of hands into the mix. It is simply just not worth the risk of messing up a show and recording because you decide to do everything on your own.

However, if you are ever having to multi-task and do several things on your own; leave plenty of room for mistakes because they will happen!

 

 

The Road from Montreal to Louisville – Anne Gauthier

Anne Gauthier is a self-taught independent recording engineer, producer, and drummer originally from Montreal, Canada. She is currently working at La La Land in Louisville, KY.

Anne started touring with bands as a drummer when she was 19. She found her favorite part of being in bands was in the recording studio and at some point decided she wanted to get serious about recording. “The non-official start of my recording adventure was a boombox setup to record casio/vocal duet rock operas with my brother when I was seven. A friend lent me a four-track tape recorder and a couple of 57 knockoffs in my early 20’s which I used for a few years to record my own projects”. She finds the recording process to be technical, creative and instinctual all at once. She would go on to build a home recording studio.

Anne would become interested in analog recording and would stumble across an article in Tape Op on Kevin Ratterman and his studio and his work with analog recording. She decided to email Kevin, and he responded. They would stay in touch for a couple of years and then one day he invited her to assist at the studio. Anne got a work visa and moved to Louisville. She says she has been “very, very fortunate to find such a kind and talented mentor and co-worker.”

Anne would start engineering her own sessions shortly after arriving at La La Land and she just became the head engineer. At La La Land, she has access to a broader selection of gear, and she has found being able to track in a large room has changed her recording decisions. Anne says that her “approach to recording has always been about finding the best recording color to fit whatever project’s personality. Using gear as a means to represent the band in their most natural and interesting light. So even if I wouldn’t call myself a gearhead to any extent, it’s been really fun having a wide array of classic recording gear to experiment with while recording”.

As an engineer, she has been able to work on diverse projects, from hip-hop, jazz, metal, rock, pop, roots and country bands. This has made her a well-rounded engineer. She has also learned to work with different people and personalities. She has found this experience has made her more patient.

Anne finds inspiration from recordings that were made using vintage gear and tracked to tape. She loves the old country and Motown records. Some of the recent recordings that has influenced her are Mary Gauthier “Mercy Now” (Gurf Morlix), Mac DeMarco “Salad Days,” Vivian Girls “Share the Joy”(Jarvis Taveniere), Black Mountain s/t (Colin Stewart), Wye Oak “Civilian” (John Congleton), The Dead Weather “Sea of Cowards (Vance Powell), Big Thief “Capacity” (Andrew Sarlo).

Anne can count on half of one hand the number of women who have risen to the top of the industry. While enrollment has increased in recording schools, she has not seen the results in studios. She says she has been fortunate that she has been supported and has had fantastic mentors.

Anne also volunteers her time with  Girls Rock Louisville that teaches young women and gender-nonconforming youth how to play instruments, write music and form bands, thus building confidence, self-esteem, and critical thinking.

Anne is excited to keep working, growing, and learning. Even after 20 years, you can always get better. Parting Advice is Be Yourself, Be Kind, Be Respectful. Keep learning and don’t be scared to stand up for yourself and others.

Must have Skills: Patience, an understanding of different styles of music, a good musical instinct, being able to be both creative and technical.

Favorite Gear: I’m privileged with the gear we have at the studio, but really I think you can make most things sound cool & exciting with any gear.

You can contact Anne through her website

Mix With the Masters Experience

I would like to begin with a huge thank you to SoundGirls for making this opportunity possible. I was selected in a raffle to win a spot with Mix with the Masters with Sylvia Massy. The whole experience was completely magical and eye-opening!

Mix with the Masters is a week-long seminar held in Southern France at La Fabrique Studios. Each week-long session is given by a number of legend status producers. The studio houses a Neve 88-R Console with tons of outboard gear, pres, and boutique microphones. There were 14 attendees from all over the world. It was such a mix of creative minds and brilliant ears and personalities that made the seminar even more special. I would like to take a brief moment to address the fact that there was a pretty significant turn out of women for the workshop. I was not expecting 6 of 14 attendees to be women. Gender was never an issue in this seminar. I personally believe it was amazing to see the inclusive nature between everyone and the fact that everyone was so supportive of each other. It honestly made me feel grateful and fortunate to be working in audio in such a time where women are now more prevalent in a “male-dominated industry”.

Some of the highlights of the seminar

We started out the seminar with experimental drum micing. Sylvia brought out her bag of tricks and quirky ideas to the table right away. We put microphones inside of hoses and submerged microphones underwater to capture a “filtered” room sound for the drums. Everyone was encouraged to get hands-on experience which allowed us to be a part of the creative process.

During the week we worked with Adrien T. Bell and his band from Prague. We watched the whole process from the concept of a song into the final product. During the tracking of guitar, the signals were passed through various objects like cheese and lightbulbs. The output of these objects was captured and created very unique sounds. The cheese made the guitar sound like a fuzz effect, and the lightbulb sounded like a distortion pedal. I also really enjoyed the dialog in the studio between Sylvia and the artists. It was an art in itself to see the interaction between artist and engineer/producer. Words of affirmation brought comfort to the artist, and Sylvia always made sure everyone was completely comfortable. The environment was definitely designed to be stress-free and a safe place for the artists to unleash their best performances.

At the end of the seminar, Sylvia took time for a critique of peer mixes. Every participant brought a Pro Tools session or a finished mix and had the opportunity of getting a mix from Sylvia herself. Sylvia offered expert advice and insight to everyone and at the same time provided encouragement to each one of us.

Mix with the Masters is such a unique educational experience. I never felt like I was in a classroom as a spectator but was very much allowed to be a part of this learning experience. The leisure time allowed us to share experiences and get know each other. I learned from every participant in attendance. Countless conversations were exchanged regarding philosophy, approach, and style. I really enjoyed the camaraderie among everybody. No one was secretive including Sylvia of their own personal mix or tracking tips but more than willing to share insights and discoveries.

It was truly an intimate environment for learning from the best in the business in a retreat-style setting with lots of time to mix and mingle with the rest of the engineers. Also, I cannot stress enough how fantastic the staff was at making us feel right at home and spoiling us with the finest meals I’ve ever had in my life. Just like one of my colleagues said, “It was like being in a dream”. It was magical, and the air in France was glorious coming from the LA smog city. I am looking forward to having another experience like this in the near future. I brought back a new air of confidence

Melissa Samaniego is a freelance audio engineer and works in film sound post-production, tracking, overdubbing, mix engineer. She also works a theater technician at Fullerton College and is a songwriter and upright bass player.

What’s Your Plan B?

So you’ve wanted to be a sound engineer since you were a little kid. You studied hard in school, slaved away as an enthusiastic, overworked and underpaid intern, and no matter what the setbacks, you remained determined to succeed. In such a competitive industry, you’d think you’d need to be focused on nothing but sound, but what happens when your dream gets derailed? It’s easy to believe that pure grit is enough to get to the top and stay there, but there are so many factors that can throw your best-laid plans out the window. The earlier you put contingencies in place, the softer the blow will be if something does go wrong. Believe me; I’ve been there.

Firstly, I can’t stress enough how important insurance is. It seems so expensive when you’re starting out, and you’re barely earning enough to pay the bills, but do not treat it as optional. The world of live sound is a high-pressure, fast-paced, physical environment and accidents happen. Your number one priority should be public liability insurance. This won’t keep you out of jail if you are criminally negligent, but it helps if you get sued. Even if you didn’t do anything wrong, could you afford to prove it in court? Plus, any company worth its salt won’t hire a freelancer without it. Most unions and professional bodies can offer PLI for their members at a discounted rate, just make sure whatever policy you get covers you for all eventualities. If you are employed, check that your boss has you covered, don’t just presume.

Next is injury and illness insurance. Unfortunately, it is extremely difficult to carry on working if you aren’t in full health. Even if you live in a country with good social security, there can be a long, frustrating application process that can leave you without any income for months, especially if you’re a freelancer. It can also be tough to show that you are unwell enough to qualify. For example, if you break your leg, you can’t load in gear or tip a desk, but as long as your hearing is intact, the person in the social security office may not see why you can’t work. Get a good injury and illness insurance policy from a provider that understands the nature of your job. It’s tempting to skip the illness part when you’re young, thinking it’s so unlikely to affect you, but you should seriously consider it.

I was 28 when I got ill. I went from being absolutely fine to having to leave work halfway through a load-in within a week. It turned out that I had gastroesophageal reflux disease, which is the term for severe, chronic heartburn. It doesn’t sound serious, but I got unbearable stabbing pains in my stomach any time I tried to lift anything. If left untreated it can lead to oesophageal cancer. It took 18 months to get the message through to my doctor that taking an antacid here and there and avoiding lifting wasn’t an option for me, get referred to a specialist, get officially diagnosed, have surgery and recover. If I had known that it would take so long, I would have taken a break from sound and done something else, but it felt like everything might get fixed at the next appointment. Of course, I didn’t have illness cover. I was 28! I stubbornly kept working as much as I could, but every gig hurt, and it made my condition worse. It also meant I wouldn’t have qualified for unemployment benefits if I had applied.

You can do everything in your power to pursue your goals, and you can treat your body as a temple, but there are some things you can’t predict or control. Even if you’re lucky enough to stay healthy, you might have to take time out to look after a loved one. You might need to move somewhere with fewer jobs available, or the work might simply dry up. Our industry is frustratingly fickle, and I’ve seen talented, hardworking engineers lose long-term clients just because their new management wants to use their own team, or someone offers their services cheaper. It’s a smart move to make as many friends as possible and have a diverse client base, so you aren’t relying on one band or company too heavily, and you have an excellent network to call on when times are hard. Still, there will almost definitely be a point when you’ll need to make a living doing something else, even if it is temporary. Live sound, especially touring, is unlike any other job and can leave you institutionalised and stuck. What transferable skills do you have? What else are you passionate about? You need to sit down and seriously assess how you could make a living outside of sound. That Etsy shop you’ve meant to open to sell nose warmers for elephants isn’t going to cut it.

I know I’ve been pretty pessimistic here, but there are ways to stave off disaster if the unthinkable does happen. If you realise your skills are lacking, start working on them now. We’re lucky enough to live in a time where we can study online from anywhere in the world, whenever it suits us. Learn a language, learn how to code, figure out how those social media celebrities make a living. Find something you enjoy, treat it as a hobby, and if the worst happens, you know you have something to fall back on. It could even earn you some good money on the side in the meantime, and you can feel smug in the knowledge you’ll continue to do great things, no matter what life throws at you.

 

Take Care of Good People

SoundGirls is a community by women for women, to enable greater gender balance in male-dominated audio and related fields. Groups like SoundGirls exist to provide women with space they need to develop and share the skills and experience necessary to work as professionals in music and audio.

It goes without saying that these spaces exist as women-only because their real-life counterparts are essentially male-only, though not officially or by definition. There is no rule of a soundboard that says you have to be male, and yet the majority of students, interns, teachers, mentors, and other people working soundboards are men. So men are provided with the experience of learning something new in an environment that feels somewhat familiar, and women interested in the same thing are not able to learn in an environment that feels familiar, except through programs like those that SoundGirls offer.

So, here we are with programming that is expanding, and a growing professional database of women in audio and music. How do we translate this to the real world, to actually being at work? There are many women-only collectives, labels, and studios & businesses propping up, which is very exciting. But not all people want to be surrounded by only their gender. Also, isn’t the goal equity?

One day I hope to work in a studio with as many women as men. I hope to produce male artists; I hope to produce women artists aside from myself. I hope to hand over skills that others want to learn, regardless of who they are as a gender.

When you love a woman, you take her seriously. You aren’t surprised at her skill level, and you encourage her to keep challenging herself. You let her learn from her mistakes. You let her go, switch jobs, leave for tour, meet new people. Just like we do men.

Good People – Naz Massaro

Working with all genders means that everyone understands they have strengths and weaknesses. One person may be good at something that someone else is terrible at, and that person may know much more about something than the first person. A young brain would feel threatened by this disparity, and try to compensate with egotistical actions. But truly, there is nothing to feel threatened by—your differences make you a stronger team. Embrace them. Challenge yourself to learn from the people around you! Challenge yourself to learn more about yourself by recognizing your strengths and weaknesses! Enjoy the beauty that is collaboration. Teach people around you to work from a place of love, so they too can spread that light.

Note: SoundGirls is inclusive and open to anyone who has a desire and drive to succeed in professional audio. The ratio of women to men members is approximately 65% women and 35% men.

A Chance to Build Each Other Up

Yorkshire Sound Women Networks Meetup, March 2018

On March 25 I had the pleasure of attending the Yorkshire Sound Women Networks meetup at Yorkshire Dance in Leeds.

The Yorkshire Sound Women Networks were founded in Huddersfield on July 14, 2015, with the aim of bringing women together to “share knowledge and skills in music and sound technology, sonic arts, production, and audio electronics.” They describe their “glorious mission” as “to inspire and enable more women and girls to explore sound and music technology.”

Since 2015 they have seen the network expanded to encompass regional groups in Sheffield, Hebden Bridge/Todmorden, York, Oxford, and as far afield as Malta. As well as regular member meetups, the network offers workshops in synthesis, Ableton Live, Arduino, live coding, production sound, and sound design.

March 25 was the first joint meetup for all groups, and the first time the network has offered a full day of workshops, talks, and performances. The day was open to all women who were interested in attending, from within the Yorkshire region and beyond.

Sharing knowledge was one of the key themes of the day – the programme handed to me as I registered included the statement “Today is our chance to build each other up by sharing ourselves, our knowledge, our resources, our networks.”

I appreciated that these resources and knowledge included talks on more administrative and educational topics, as well as electronics and music. Andie Brown’s practical and informative presentation focussed on finance management for the self-employed, while Michelle Myrie’s talk provided insight into her experience of changing lives through music through her work with NEET young people – young people “not in education, employment or training.” It was clear that YWSN had thought carefully about what topics would be pertinent and valuable to the attendees, who included students and women who were interested in electronic music and sound, as well as professional performers, musicians, and educators.

Collaboration was also a welcome theme. In the section of the day dedicated to showcasing work from YWSN’s regional groups, it was exciting to see how musicians and sound artists were inspired by each other’s work, which resulted in unusual and unexpected collaborations. The Hebden Bridge/Todmorden group spoke about a sound walk they’d designed which incorporated location sound recording and electronic sound art. The Huddersfield group performed live (their first live performance as a group), using a mixture of synthesizers, vocal manipulations, and found instruments.

The highlights of the day for me were an immersive electronic music performance from University of Huddersfield student Ching Wu, and Vicky Clarke’s hands-on DIY electronics workshop, where we had the chance to breadboard a noisemaker. As someone who hasn’t fiddled with electrical components since sound school, it was a fun and somewhat challenging reminder that there’s more to sound-making than sitting behind a console or computer in a studio.

Finally, it was immensely encouraging to see lots of young women in attendance – from Ching’s performance using Ableton Live, to the Malta Sound Women Network’s report on their work and events (delivered by video). It was clear to me that providing this kind of supportive spaces and communities where collaboration and experimentation (both successes and failures) are encouraged is not only a good thing, it is vital to the continuation and growth of women working in music and sound.

To slightly paraphrase the quote from Laurie Spiegel, printed in the programme information for the day): Bravo to the Yorkshire Sound Women Network. I can’t wait to hear what you’ll create next.

Special thanks to Liz Dobson from YSWN for inviting me to attend the day.

You can find

The Yorkshire Women’s Network on Facebook Here

Malta Sound Women Network

Yorkshire Sound Women Network – Sheffield

YSWN Hebden Bridge

Leeds Sound Women

YSWN York

The Six Figure Home Studio: A Review

When I first heard about The Six Figure Home Studio, I was skeptical. Who was this guy and was he really making six figures? Could a 31-year-old engineer/mixer really have enough experience to give solid advice to the thousands of people coming to his site?

I was surprised to find what Brian Hood has to say has a lot of value. In six years, he grew $5,000 and a studio in his parent’s basement to a 6-figure income (gross/pre-expenses) business in Nashville. He recognizes common business struggles for home studios (and freelancers) and has come up with easy and practical tools to help. I reviewed the website, podcast, video series (free portion), mailings, and Facebook group. A few elements stood out as the best:

 I Publicly Shared ALL Of My Studio’s Income, Expenses, and Tax Numbers

Brian posted his business earnings from 2014 (month by month) and yes, it was over six figures (around $120,000). The catch: After expenses and taxes his net income was around $50,000. This is an excellent case study of the reality of owning a home studio.

Website Download: Rate Sheet

(link at the bottom of the page)

This is a free download if you give an email address (which does sign you up for the mailing list). The rate sheet is geared towards music production but has a lot of great advice and the rate ranges provided seem reasonable and realistic.

Facebook group: The Six Figure Home Studio Community

The first two rules for this group are “No gear talk unless it’s related to business/budgeting/growing your bottom line” and “No mixing talk. There are more than enough groups for this.” It feels like a community – the conversations are interesting, and everyone is treated with respect (including the women in the group). It’s a great resource for business questions.

Video course: The Simple Business Roadmap

This free “course” is a collection of videos that can be watched in about an hour. In the videos, Brian gives simple suggestions how to start a business and create a plan. It’s worth it to sign up for the video about sales where he talks about how to target potential customers (including online strategies).

Article: Why Most Home Studios Fail To “Make It” (Spoiler: It Has Nothing To Do With Marketing)

Brian has created “The Home Studio Hierarchy of Needs” which shows “the fundamentals necessary to create a successful, profitable, flourishing home studio business.” When it comes to finding business, studio owners (and freelancers) tend to work in a lot of different directions without much focus. Brian breaks this down into a process that is easy to understand and implement.

Home Studio Assessment

This is an assessment based on his above “Home Studio Hierarchy of Needs.” It only takes a few minutes (answering questions on a scale from low to high). The questions range from your social skills to beliefs about business or marketing. The results help zero-in on problem areas such as “skills & knowledge,” “relationships and ethics,” or “profit and maximization.”

Room for improvement

I love the overall concept (a business resource specifically for home studios), but sometimes it comes across as just a personal blog that’s Nashville-centric. I was hoping to see perspectives from a variety of professionals, but the only views other than Brian’s were on the private Facebook page and the podcast’s second host.

While I see value in the site’s paid content, I fundamentally disagree with targeting colleagues (versus clients) for profit. Most professionals in our industry will offer information for free to support colleagues in times of need. We’re all running businesses and everyone doing this has tricks and “secret sauce” that could probably help a lot of people. This site sells it openly; there’s a $695 program that essentially is a mentorship. That’s a lot for a struggling business or someone getting off the ground. It’s like a neighbor asking for sugar; you could ask for money but is that what’s best for the relationship in the long run? In this field, sustaining is about the long game – not the race to the top.

Lastly, in the videos Brian says many times, “I know guys who do this” or talking about “getting connected to the right guys.” I was surprised to hear it given that female engineers and mixers do exist, many of us own home studios, and inevitably one (or many of them) would find the site. It’s disconcerting for a site that’s promoting itself as “The #1 Resource For Recording Studio Businesses” and over 9,000 Facebook followers to be speaking as though women in the industry don’t exist. If nothing else, I hope this is remedied in the future of the site.

Overall

Business education is lacking from audio education curriculum, and it’s often low on the priority list for a lot of freelancers and home studio owners. Owning a studio is about so much more than what gear to buy or learning how to mix better. The Six Figure Studio fills some of the business gaps and offers some interesting and valuable content on the topic. But, it’s also a site somewhat early in its own growth and expertise. There’s a lot to take from it (with a discerning eye).

Music and Life-Long Friends

When I was a kid, I used to sing in the tubes on the playground with my friend Melly. We liked the way the plastic tunnel helped us hear our own voices. We’d lay head to head and play with our voices, intervals, vowels, lyrics, improvising harmonies for what seemed like hours.

We both played the guitar, our little 11-year-old hands barely reaching both E strings for our first position G chords. We wrote songs together in Melly’s bedroom, which she shared with her little sister and was covered in Spice Girls stickers. Her dad was a musician, a drummer and songwriter, and we sometimes listened to his recordings for inspiration. Melly had music in her blood.

We stood next to each other in the school choir. We were both in the alto section, but Melly’s range extended well into soprano. Together we learned Mozart’s “Lacrimosa” and Rogers and Hammerstein’s “Edelweiss”. After school, we’d take turns guessing the soprano part, so we could sing together in harmony.

In middle school, we started a band with three of our other friends called Magenta. We were essentially trying to be the new Spice Girls. Our “thing” was that we all wore magenta lipstick (even though none of us had ever actually worn makeup yet). Melly wrote a song for us called “The Stars Are White” which we rehearsed a few times before our schedules conflicted too much for us to keep going…I still sing “The Stars Are White” to myself sometimes.

In college, we took Electronic Music Production together and learned MIDI and audio signal flow. We learned C Sounds and how to create sounds using computer programming language. We learned Melodyne and the power of auto-tuning software. We learned how amazing it was to have a studio software at our fingertips—we could harmonize with our own voices now, and there was no limit to how many we could have at once! We could make beats with our mouths and a microphone. We could play any sound we wanted on a MIDI keyboard. Melly always created with a sense of ease and excitement that was electric to be around.

2006 – Melly playing with a capo

Melly transferred schools for the last two years of undergrad. The year we graduated, she got a job in Massachusetts and I found one in New York City. I played gigs on the side and took more music production classes. She got her master’s degree in social work. I moved to Los Angeles. She got engaged. The power went out in a thunderstorm at her August wedding and I sang her (and her whole wedding party) songs by candlelight underneath the gazebo.

She adopted a baby boy and for his first birthday, she and her family came to visit me in Los Angeles.

I picked them up from the airport and sang to the baby in the car. We arrived at my house after trekking through LA traffic, and it was time for his nap. We put his travel crib in my bedroom and closed the blinds. Everyone besides Melly and I was asleep, exhausted from a day of traveling. We crept upstairs to my home studio. “Show me what you’re working on!!” she said. I opened Ableton Live, which Melly had not used before. I explained the basic design of the software to her and we started a beat. Five minutes later she was recording vocals and harmony parts and we were discussing lyrics. Her teenage sister Lillian woke up from her nap and joined us in the studio to watch. She had never seen Melly The Musician before—she knew her as a sister, as a bride, as a mom. “This is incredible,” she said. “I didn’t know you could do this!”

2017 – us together last year

“She’s a beast,” I said.

Melly was totally comfortable using Ableton. She played a bass part on my Push controller and quantized it. “This is SO much better than Digital Performer…” she said, referring to our pseudo-antiquated Electronic Production class in college. “Wow. I love making music.”

We kept playing for what seemed like hours like we had always done. Except this time we were in my studio, and her sister was watching us, and her baby was asleep in the next room. And yet it was just as it had always been. We were on the playground again, in the tube again, head to head, listening to our voices and making music together.

 

 

Powering Through

For my March blog post, I’m going to answer two questions I was recently asked.

How do you manage performance while stressed/upset? Like today I played a show and I was really stressed all day, and I could really feel it when I was on stage. I was really still and didn’t move a lot and, I could feel it in my voice too. What do you do to kind of control that?

I’m really close with my parents but they’re a little bit unsupportive of my choice to go for music. My mom more than dad. So far I’ve gotten into all the colleges I applied for, and I also might be able to get a full ride to another school that used to be my top until I realized I didn’t like the programs there. My backup is either graphic design or entertainment management, both of which are at the college I want to go to. If I go to the school I want to go to, my friend and I are gonna get an apartment together and really work hard on building our band and putting ourselves out there.

I know at the end of the day it’s my decision but it’s difficult to discuss this with my family. All in all, I guess I know they just care and want the best for me and are coming from a good place. But it’s so difficult to face that, and it affects me a lot (especially performing). Did you have to deal with something like this?

I’m going to answer these questions together, as they are both about maintaining composure and performing well even under stress and sadness.

Yes. The late teens and early twenties are inherently chaotic times for most of us. The arts are scary to a lot of people for a lot of reasons, including issues of self-love, capitalism, and creative blockage. Often it seems easier for children of musicians to find their way into music, and I speculate as to whether this is a result of fewer barriers such as these.

As you say (and you are completely right), it’s your decision at the end of the day. If you can go to college for free and do not have another opportunity conflicting with college (e.g., an all-expenses-paid impending tour for your band), it is probably a smart choice to go to college. It’s hard to go to college for free in the US, and if you find yourself at a crossroads, you can always switch your area of study or leave altogether. At the end of the day, finding your path takes time and you will make mistakes. Period.

It sounds like the emotions or thoughts of people around you affect you strongly, and I think a lot of creative people have this trait. I definitely struggled (and still do) with navigating the feelings and thoughts of people around me, especially my loved ones. When I was in my preteens and teens, my biggest challenge as a performer was learning to stop worrying about what my audience thought of me and my songs. At this point, my audience was mostly my friends and family. I wrote a lot of songs about my parents, growing up in a small town, moving a lot (divorced family), and that sort of thing. People would cry, and give my parents the stink eye. I would be nervous to sing new songs that talked about this stuff, but I faced the fear and would do it anyway. I’m glad I did it, but it was not glamorous! It was terrifying and embarrassing, but also totally necessary.

Oddly, my parents never really confronted me about anything I said in my songs. In this sense, they were very respectful of my creative inclination. However, they were not able to provide me stability through high school, college, and after college. For me, these years were a hodgepodge of putting pieces together, and aside from my grandparents buying me a microphone for my birthday and my aunt paying for my college textbooks, every dime I spent was my own money. Any bit of space I’d previously been able to occupy in their homes all but dissolved as their own romantic relationships started to dissolve. I was stuck in the middle trying to figure out how to make my life happen. Both my parents felt awful and their home lives were coming apart at the seams. I felt terrible for them and wanted to help them, but also I just wanted someone to help me drive my stuff to my new apartment and walk it up the stairs, and maybe to help me put up curtains. Maybe eat dinner with me in my new apartment. I was barely 20 after all. With no one to do these things with, I did them by myself. It was sad, and exhausting, especially after it went on for years. Other family members would say things like “Well if you’re not feeling great, maybe try something else.” What they didn’t realize is that making music DID feel great; it was one of the ONLY things that felt great! But I was only able to do it after a 40 hour work week, after getting off the phone with a crying parent, after cooking and cleaning and paying all my bills, after dragging a desk up the stairs to my apartment by myself.

Really the thing that felt bad was getting through all of the chaos to put my life together in a way that allowed me to make music more often than not. I had to trust that this much was true.

It actually can get harder as you get a little older. Many, many well-meaning people will see your “musician lifestyle” as a lack of commitment to your own self-worth and life. Many will ask why you would do something that doesn’t pay very well, especially during the beginning years. I have lost count the number of times a well-meaning family member or friend has told me to “be ready to get a real job when the time comes.” The sting never lessens, but you indeed become less and less concerned with getting stung at all. So much of the life of an artist consists of stings. It’s part of the job. A lot of times, the discouraging family member is actually just worried about you. They don’t want you to go through all that pain and sadness.

At first glance, all this chaos may seem like something you should avoid. But, listen to other artists and musicians. Their stories always have chaos! They always have tough decisions. They always have shows where something is affecting their emotional state and they need to power through anyway. Channel all the bad stuff into your performance. Treat every performance as an opportunity to be your best performance ever. It’s a skill you must practice to get better at. Play lots and lots of shows and get feedback and keep challenging yourself. Work.

I have a joke I tell myself which is that “the life of an artist is a life of constant embarrassment.” No matter how successful you become, you will always need to take risks to make meaningful work. Taking a risk means there is a possibility you could fail. Furthermore, there will always be people who find a way to undermine you. There is always failure, there is always rejection, and there are always haters. There is always the fear that you may be misunderstood. Check out this interview with Janelle Monae where she talks about how she is afraid of rejection right now.

Every single person has their own struggle. It may not come early on—it may come later in a career. Regardless of when and what it is, it is meant to provide strength and wisdom.

 

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