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Unity During A Pandemic

As I write this, I have just watched the United States’ inauguration of Kamala Harris and Joe Biden. It was surprisingly moving for me. I was face-timing my sister, who lives back home in Sweden when her husband texted her to come downstairs. He was born in America and very eager to share this moment with her, besides, Lady Gaga was going to sing. So we said our goodbyes and I decided to check out the singer’s performance. It was good, and her belting made me stay on the channel. In addition to Gaga, Jennifer Lopez sang, and unfortunately, for I am damaged, her vocals were distorting, and it saddened me. Then in Spanish, she shouted “One nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.” and I forgave the technicians…

Just before this pleasant interruption, in my otherwise busy day, I was lying on my sofa engulfed in a Swedish TV show called Fröken Frimans Krig (Miss Friman’s War). It’s a show about the fight for equality and the battle for women’s right to vote in early 20th century Stockholm. It deals with matters like women not being of legal authority. Because back then, her husband was her custodian and spoke for her. It brings forward the worryingly common fact, that many women died from giving birth. Finally, in Sweden, if you slept with someone you weren’t married to, you could be branded as a sex worker and had to report to an authority every week, where you were inspected for disease. It’s shocking to think how far we’ve come and it’s thanks to women like them. Nonetheless, let us not forget, these things are still happening in some countries.

Now, with the inauguration of Kamala Harris, I feel like I’m on the precipice of change once again. She is the first woman, the first black and south Asian to be sworn in as a vice president. This leaves me elevated and hopeful and I can see a brighter future. Concurrently I am ashamed for not fighting harder for our equality, maybe I am too comfortable to do so. If I was allowed to work and had a male artist say something inappropriate, would I say something back or hold my tongue? Or would my recent experiences, following these strong leading women, guide me to be bolder and confront any unkind words or actions.

Biden talked of unity. So far from what we all feel right now, as we are divided beyond our comprehension. Closed borders and further from our loved ones, even our neighbours. So even though we are all facing this pandemic together, we lack, from all world’s corners, unity. So my question to you, is how can we create unity beyond ourselves today? How can we as sisters, brothers, and non-binary unite in our differences in a global pandemic?

Well, today is historical indeed and a win for feminism and equality, but may it serve as a reminder of how far we have come and that it is up to each and every one of us to work towards it.

 

Waiting for Better Days

 

So, the holidays are over, New Years’ has just been and the past year is gone. A year of great challenges but also a year of incredible personal achievements.

I step into the new year as a 30-year-old cis woman and I made some great things happen this past year. I joined the women’s network Her Hustle, got engaged on a Swedish mountain, and adopted the cutest puppy.

As I sit down to write this, my adorable pup is trying to get the treats out of his toy, but I can’t seem to shake this thing my now-fiance said to me. I was sitting on the kitchen floor on New Year’s Eve; no, not a drunk floor moment, I was having an anxiety attack. I cried for my unhappiness/failure and hyperventilated into a panic. Almost a year has gone by without work.

So there I sit, crying over what I’ve lost when my dearest asks me: was I happy a year ago? When I was working, but terrified of asking for a raise, struggling to talk about money and equality with those who paid me. Those who paid me to live, eat and sleep. Those who paid me for doing something I loved. Was I happy then? No, I was anxious, worried, and stressed. I remember not getting the NYE shift and that it went to one of the extra male engineers and that I wasn’t even considered. No matter how hard I worked or how much I worked, I felt that I was valued less. I still didn’t have enough money to become a citizen in a country I lived and worked in for over 11 years. I still didn’t have enough to save for my future nor to get a driving license. Which in retrospect could’ve been useful now, I could’ve been a delivery driver… because right now I’m not useful, I’m not working. I’m just waiting…

Human rights activist Mohamed Ali talks about “waithood” in his TedX seminar The Link Between Unemployment and Terrorism. He talks about Somalia where poverty and unemployment are common. He tells a story about a young man that is one of many poor young people in his country. One day he’s approached by a gentleman who feeds him, houses him, gives him purpose and a community. A few years later he blew himself up in Mogadishu, the capital of Somalia. The gentleman belonged to a terrorist group Al Shabaab which has links to Al Qaeda. (The reason why I know this is because of my podcast that I started this summer. It’s called And It Went Like This Podcast, so please have a listen and share.) Now I’m not saying that all unemployed will resort to terrorism, but the story shows what desperation to occupy ourselves can lead us to. What Mohamed calls “waithood”, can change us for the worse.

We are right now all in this “waithood”. We don’t know what the lineup is nor the curfew of this disease or if there’s a support act coming to soundcheck… But if there’s anything we sound engineers are good at. It’s winging it!

So stay safe and resilient.

Love, Linnea

 

Identity 

The sun shines through the window and the wind rustles the trees. It’s quiet. A soft melody playing in my head and I take a deep breath. Ah… This has been three chaotic and insane months and finally, I am in a place where I can relax. I can let my shoulders finally fall and loosen my jaw, which has contributed to my headaches. I don’t get headaches! Still, they’ve been present together with the looming anxiety. I am a live sound engineer. Although, I don’t know if that’s me anymore, but saying it out loud gives me hope. Hope that one day, not too far away, I will step into the sound booth and work. I long for it. My whole being longs. Whilst life slowly went back to normal in London, I’ve struggled. If I can’t afford to wait for the industry to resume. Who am I?

A few weeks ago I met a couple that belongs to my inner circle. They talked about the breaks in the comfort of their own home and not having to commute. We discussed identity and both of them told me they don’t have this feeling. They both have well-paid jobs and are happy doing their Monday to Friday shifts. At the end of their working day, they stop and leave work at work. Or these days, turn off their computers and work phones.

So why are we in the arts identifying ourselves so much with our work? Is it because we followed our dreams and passions? Maybe it’s because we use our identity in our work and they merge into one. A songwriter uses their experience to create a song. A painter expresses their identity in their art. Like I use my experience and love to craft my work. At the beginning of the lock-down I did a personality test and tried to figure out what I should do with “the rest of my life”. Yes, I am a cliché. I don’t care. The point is I did a full circle. Three months later I filled out a form for a career thing and I realised I do not want to do anything else and I will fight tooth and nail to get my work back.

So now I rest. I wander around my mum’s house in the idyllic countryside in Sweden and greet their hens in the chicken coop. I dream of a packed sweaty room where no one is standing still. But for now; this is not too bad either.

 

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