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Transfemininity, Noise and Self-Defense

 

“And if any man of the lord tries to use violence to challenge me

I swear to the gay gods that watch over me

That I will eat your face”

 

This blog entry is gonna be more about questions than about answers. I’m a pathological self-doubter if that makes any sense.

It must be some sort of self-defense mechanism. If I don’t commit to an answer, I can hold an equidistant safe spot. Actually, I think I’m more of a recovering pathological self-doubter. There are things I definitely don’t doubt about. You can’t doubt patriarchy, the weight of gender expectations and roles, the violence we face because of it, the joy -and scares- of being bold and standing proud in front of it.

Maybe It’s not self-doubt; maybe it’s gaslighting. A whole lifetime of society gaslighting you into thinking you are someone you’re not.

Somewhere between these joys, fears, and doubts, a desire to express yourself is born. It’s unavoidably colored by euphoria and dysphoria, care and anger, patience and frustration, violence and desire. There’s something in the shared experiences that transfem people go through that I believe shapes and also a common source of inspiration for us. It’s there in the culture. It’s so much there… that we have kinda become a meme.

I believe the transfem experience is a tangle of feelings that expresses itself artistically in many different ways, but I’m amazed at how a lot of us go for experimental, glitchy, noisy, and annoying sounds.

In a way, I feel like it’s a very specific kind of queerness. The story of queerness is also the story of reappropriating stuff meant to degrade us or simply inaccessible to us. I felt for a while that I was expected to perform femininity in a certain way because of my transness. Just like cis women, I was expected to be delicate, gentle, sensitive, soft-spoken… or at least try, goddamn it. And just as many cis women I rebel to that. Part of this act of rebellion is writing problematic, glitchy, noisy little songs. Yes, I’m a queen. Yes, I’m sensitive and gentle. And yes, I will behead you if you attack me or my community.

It’s no surprise that our music often sounds problematic; we’ve been problematized all our lives. No wonder we sound aggressive, we need to defend ourselves. Of course, we sound subversive and weird, you’ve called us monsters for so long we might as well be the most exquisite monsters in the cabinet of curiosities.

There’s nothing I despise more than the idea that there’s some be-all-end-all reason for our transness. I don’t think I am who I am because there was an estrogen spike during my mother’s third trimester of pregnancy. I’m not claiming some essential reason why some of us produce the music we produce; this blog post is not about that. It’s about celebrating this intersection between harsh rough sounds and transfemininity.

Did you listen to Black Dresses? Ada Rook and Devi McCallion embodied that intersection beautifully. Sasha Geffen puts it perfectly in an interview for thefader.com: “The Canadian duo makes catchy, haunted-sounding music about surviving as trans women in an antagonistic world”. They sound like chewing firecrackers; I absolutely love them. At the end of the day, it’s not necessarily about feeling good, it’s more about feeling something real. It’s more about tickling a fiber you maybe didn’t know existed. It’s about an almost religious revelation, the discovery of a hidden truth about the human condition.

And a lot of it reminds me of literal “learn how to throw punches” self-defense. Self-defense is not about beating the shit out of people. It’s about learning how to stand your ground, it’s about protecting your face and knowing when it’s better to run. It’s about acknowledging that the world can be a dangerous place, but also that we can use the tools that patriarchy took away from us to deter aggressors just by standing in front of them with a certain posture. I see a lot of self-defense “don’t mess with me or imma mess you” in the sound choices of transfem folk. It makes sense, right? To me, it’s the sound of empowerment.

Or maybe I’m reading too much into it? Did I mention I’m a recovering pathological self-doubter? Maybe it’s just about having fun and a specific aesthetic taste, the kind that grows in you like an infection or an addiction from listening to Astro Creep: 2000 when you were a kid in the 90s. Maybe I just like the sound of chewing firecrackers and there’s no deeper meaning to this and the fact that so many transfem artists like that too to the point of becoming a meme is just… coincidence.

Call me a self-doubter, but I doubt it.

Judit K. (Barcelona, 1984) is a restless musician in constant transformation with a passion for glitchy, noisy, loud and almost annoying sounds. She’s been playing keyboards with Obsidian Kingdom from 2016 to 2021 and now is the girl behind the synths in Lys Morke. She’s also a solo artist working on her second album SAFO.EXE, a reinterpretation of Safo’s poetry from the end of the world. She combines her passion for music with feminist and lgtbiq+ activism. You can find her sharing musical and political content (and selfies, bc why not) on instagram: @_juditk

One of Many Roads to Broadway

Happy New Year, SoundGirls followers! As I reflected on the year gone by, it occurred to me that since the post-shutdown theatre reopening in the spring/summer of 2021, I haven’t written much about my specific career journey. In particular, I haven’t yet blogged about getting to work on my first Broadway show! Making my debut was a big milestone for me, and getting there has been a long and winding path. Also, the journey is different for everyone. So even though my story is individual for me, I thought it might be interesting and helpful to share. So, strap in for a ride on my road to Hogwarts!

Intro: A Catch-up to the catch-up

I’ll try to make this quick. Starting in the summer of 2021, my life was a whirlwind of mixing out-of-town tryouts (4 in the span of 12 months) and picking up freelance gigs in CT and NYC. I did NOT get to spend a lot of time at home, and while the opportunities were good for my career, the necessary sacrifices SUCKED for my marriage and my mental health in general.

So, in the summer of 2022, I worked on changing some of that: choosing my gigs more thoughtfully, reclaiming some of my headspace, and making plans to get myself actively moving toward some of my big career goals. I reflected a lot about that journey in a blog I wrote about the potential dangers of emotional attachment to one’s work which you can read here.

How to Own Your Work Without it Owning You

That period of reflection led me to make a lot of good choices going forward. I advocated for time off from my gigs to go to family events and a friend’s wedding. I reached out to an old connection who was on a show I wanted to be involved in, and he hired me for the entire 4-week shop build. I quit a show for the first time ever (!!) because I recognized that despite it being fun to mix, the overall process was making me miserable. And as fate would have it, that reflection and work paid off in a big way just a few weeks later.

Hard Work + Network = Broadway Debut!

 

First day at my new workplace!

 

At the end of 2022, I was offered a job at Harry Potter and the Cursed Child as a substitute A2. Like many opportunities in this business, this one truly was proof of two timeless career adages: 1. Luck = preparation meets opportunity, and 2. Don’t underestimate the power of the network.

Bear with me for some long but important preamble…At the very beginning of that year, I lost out on a big job I had been hoping to get. While the hiring decision wasn’t about my work or anything personal, I was still devastated. For a while, I questioned everything about that experience and what led up to it; Had I not done a good enough job during the tryout to be worthy of moving on with the show? Was I kidding myself to think I might have been ready to mix on Broadway? Had the designer been unhappy with my work in the first place, and if so, had I failed to notice?

It is SO easy to get in your head about getting rejected, especially in this biz, and I let myself fall prey to the doubt at first. However, in the weeks that followed, a funny thing kept happening: every couple of days I would get these random emails from sound people I didn’t know saying that I had been recommended to them by the designer of this show that I didn’t book, and was I available for future work? I was relieved, humbled, and grateful every time this happened. It was a total validation of this designer’s trust in me, and getting these recommendations (plus doing a lot of unpacking with my amazing friends and my therapist) allowed me to slowly let go of a lot of that self-doubt I had been harboring.

Fast forward to August, and yet another of these emails pops up. This one says something to the effect of “Hi, my name is A, I got your name from B, who got your name from C [the designer from before]. I am looking for a mixer for this workshop of a musical and oh also by the way do you sub? I’m looking for another A2 swing for my regular show.” In the signature of the email, it said “Head Audio, Lyric Theatre,” which is where Harry Potter plays. I couldn’t believe it! At this point, I hadn’t even worked for B (the middle person in the network) yet, but this original designer’s trust in me was enough that this co-sign of a co-sign counted for a lot. My now-boss called me a few days later to talk over the details, and I started training at the Lyric (and working on the workshop) less than a week later 🙂

Broadway: the same, just bigger

A fresh new double-rig for one of our lead actors, built by yours truly.

So, there I am backstage on Broadway. I hadn’t been an A2 in a while, and of course I had never worked on a Broadway show aside from one shop build, so I was definitely nervous about jumping in on such a big show. It turned out, thankfully, that I had nothing to worry about. Everyone at the Lyric was so amazingly nice and helpful. From stage management to dressers to my fellow sound folks, everyone was quick to point out all the important details, like where I had to stand, what I had to do during each quick change, and even the order in which people needed to move so we don’t have a backstage collision! This may seem small, but it’s the combination of thousands of details like this that makes a show as huge as HP run smoothly.

HP is so big that, unlike many shows that just have an A1 and an A2, it takes a sound crew of FOUR to do each performance! 1 person mixes, 1 runs all the sound effects and playback, and 2 people deal with mics backstage. Any of those jobs would be too much for one person, given that there are many hundreds of sound cues, multiple mic swaps and quick changes, and 56 channels of RF to keep a handle on! When I sub there, I run either of the 2 backstage tracks and depending on whether the absent person is a FOH person or a backstage person, the other regular crew people shift around to the other positions to cover the absence.

The biggest thing I have learned/had reinforced for me the most over my year-plus at the Lyric has been that having a good attitude counts first, and then you do good work to back it up. As I mentioned, it has been ages since I had run a backstage track, but I was ready to listen hard, keep my head down, follow instructions, stay in my lane, and not make a fuss. And that almost counted more than if I’d already been great at any of the arts and crafts that go into building our mic rigs. The ability to stay calm and adapt when something goes amiss is truly the most important quality a good stagehand needs, and cultivating mine has served me well every time I am there.

Looking Ahead

All told, booking HP felt like a big culmination of my preparation and work finally paying off. I’m still chasing many dreams, but it felt perfect to have a few big doors open for me. I have gotten to work on a lot more Broadway shows as part of the shop, load-in, and load-out crews. This allowed me to network with even more people in the “big leagues,” and move into a much higher-paying tier of work at venues like Lincoln Center and The Shed. Thanks to these gigs and HP, I was even able to make my first year of Local One money. I’ll explain that in more detail in my upcoming blog series, “IATSE 101,” but basically it means I am now 1/3 of the way through the 3-year process of joining the New York City chapter of the Stagehands union, which will be a huge deal for my career when I finish. All in all, it feels really good to know I’m on the right track.

The interior of the Lyric Theatre on Broadway

So Happy New Year SoundGirls, and best wishes to you all for career and personal success in 2024! I’ll be back with the first installment of “IATSE 101” in the Spring. Until then, I’ll be in the dungeons of Hogwarts, pinching myself ☺

Yi Hsuan Lee – Independent Live Sound Tech

Yi Hsuan Lee aka Kate Lee has been working in audio for the last 12 years, getting her start in 2012. Kate growing up was a music fan, saving her money to see as many concerts and festivals as possible. Kate was also a drummer and discovered early on, she did not like being onstage. Then she met the singer from her drum teacher’s band who was a production manager for a local venue. This is when Kate discovered a behind-the-scenes career path. She interned at the venue working in both lighting and audio, and fell in love. Eight months later Kate would take the plunge, moving to Los Angeles to attend the Musician’s Institute for Audio Engineering. Kate has recently toured with LCD Soundsystem and Pearl Jam as part of the monitor team.

Career Start

How did you get your start?

Right before I graduated from MI, my instructor invited us to shadow him when he did gigs at night or on the weekend.  I tried to go to every gig to help out, ask questions, and maybe get to mix a couple of songs. Eventually, he started to pass me some small gigs, and, then after six months, he asked if I was interested in a part-time job at MI as a production team member which was sound, lights, and camera for classes, concerts, and workshops. Eventually, it turned into a full-time job shortly after that.

How did your early internships or jobs help build a foundation for where you are now?

There is meaning for every gig, job, and opportunity. When I worked at MI, I got to experience many different sounds, different vocals,  guitars, and tones every day.  I was able to play with and try different equipment and FX, just to see how it sounded and learn from it. You don’t need fancy gear to learn, use what you have and be creative. Because it’s a school, I was able to sit in some classes and clinics that I was interested in. I would stay late at work just to get some studio time or get my hands on a console. I was really lucky to start in MI where mistakes are ok and there were plenty of resources for me to continue to learn and grow.

What did you learn interning or on your early gigs?

I learned to listen more and speak less. Especially when you are just starting out. Absorb everything, good or bad. Be teachable, be humble.

Did you have a mentor or someone that helped you?

Joe Fiorillo who was the instructor that took me under his wing when I first started. He took a chance on me. He loves to teach, share knowledge, and of course great stories. More importantly, he is always willing to help students and the next generation to succeed. He passed many gigs and opportunities to many of us. He helps me build my confidence and lets me grow in a safe place. I can say that without him I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Another person will be Ivan Ortis from Rat Sound System. After working at MI for six years, I was desperately looking for change. I knew a bigger world existed for me to learn and explore. Then Ivan hired me at Rat Shop. I was able to learn in a big production setting and develop all my stage tech skills while working in the shop.


Career Now

What is a typical day like?

As a stage tech/monitor tech, before unloading the truck, I’ll meet with the house stage manager, if I’m going in with the band, I’ll check with house audio people as well. I‘ll ask several questions, where is my monitor world going to be? How much space do I need and what I can have? Where can I store my dead case? Where to tie in my power? How many stagehands do I have? What’s the path for my snake? I prefer to have a big picture of how I want things to lay out before I start pushing cases so I’m not doing things twice. After talking to the stage manager and house audio, I should have a pretty good idea of how my stuff is going to lay out. I’ll direct stagehands to unload the truck, help the monitor engineer, then tie in the power, run the snake, and start the patch stage. Once the stage is patched, we will do a line check, fix any issues, and get ready for soundcheck and show.

How do you stay organized and focused?

As a tech, staying organized is everything. Keep documenting everything. The way I stay focused is I’m always thinking about what I can do better. What can we do differently to make our life easier? When I work I always think ahead and adjust my workflow accordingly.

What do you enjoy the most about your job?

When the show starts, the audience is having a good time. I enjoyed every show I worked on, no matter how exhausted I am. It is always touching to see the show come together and knowing that I’m a little part of it, we are creating memorable experiences for people.

What do you like least?

Long hours and pulling feeder.

If you tour, what do you like best?

Travel between different cities, trying good restaurants and local coffee shops.

What do you like least?

Sleeping on a tour bus. jet lag, canceled flights, and missing bags.

What is your favorite day off activity? 

Catch up with friends and family. Relaxing. Have a walk in nature.

What are your long-term goals?

Keep doing what I love and keep learning new things.

What if any obstacles or barriers have you faced?

The language barrier and being a 5-foot-tall Asian woman in this male-dominated field.

How have you dealt with them?

I’m just focusing on my job and making sure I do a good job on every gig. I believe people recognize good work. I’ll let my work speak for me. A lot of time I’ll be in charge of leading stagehands and I need to give them clear instructions and direction. I’ve learned to be confident with what I do and own it.

Advice you have for other women and young women who wish to enter the field?

You have to love what you do because this job is not easy.  If you want it, you have to work hard and ignore any negative comments. It’s never too late to start.

Must have skills?

Signal flow and troubleshooting.

Finding Your First Post-Grad Job in Audio

Landing your first post-grad job in the audio industry can feel overwhelming. Despite the plethora of advice from seasoned professionals, recruiters, and company websites, the nuances of the audio industry remain somewhat elusive. This landscape is evolving, shaped by the enduring effects of a global pandemic, the integration of AI into creative domains, and most recently, the impact of the Hollywood strikes. Whether you’re an Audio Engineering graduate, a freelance enthusiast, or just starting your audio journey and feeling daunted, I’ve decided to use my first blog here with SoundGirls to offer advice from my own experiences to help you step confidently into the professional audio world.

Before we get started, allow me to introduce myself: I’m Grace Usleman, a recent graduate of Belmont University with a degree in Audio Engineering as well as double minors in Voice Performance and Music Business. My passion lies in Foley Art, ADR, and all facets of post-production sound. The following advice stems from my personal journey as a young woman navigating the professional audio-sphere. While my immediate goal is securing a full-time post-production position, I trust these insights can assist you in your journey as an audio professional no matter where you’re starting from.

In the realm of professional audio, the job search doesn’t always fit the conventional mold. You won’t often find quick movie gigs or live tour positions listed on platforms like LinkedIn. Yet, exceptions exist—my most recent internship at a post-production studio was found through Handshake. While browsing these sites is beneficial, relying solely on them for your dream job might fall short. Therefore, my first piece of advice: Networking is key. Craft a portfolio website showcasing your work and consider carrying business cards for chance encounters with individuals who might align with your aspirations—be it running live sound for a local venue or working as an ADR recordist, you never know who is just around the corner!

Networking might seem daunting, but when done well, it’s about building meaningful connections, learning from mentors, and refining your professional skills. Personally, networking has placed me in rooms with intelligent, empathetic individuals eager to share their experiences while simultaneously valuing mine.

Effective networking hinges on etiquette. Respect others’ time and effort, whether at a job fair or over a coffee meeting. Likewise, acknowledge your own commitment and enthusiasm, too. Gratitude goes a long way—express your thanks promptly and graciously. And don’t hesitate to follow up! A polite message reaffirms your interest and often reignites connections that might have been overlooked or, frankly, forgotten.

Avoid the temptation to apply to every available job. I fell into this trap immediately post-graduation, tirelessly crafting custom cover letters for positions I wasn’t truly passionate about. It drained my energy and didn’t yield any productive outcomes. Instead, I recommend writing personalized messages to professionals in your field of interest, which can be far more rewarding both practically and emotionally.

Tailor your resume for each application. Take time to understand the company, its projects, and its employees. Who knows, maybe you share a  mutual connection that you might use to launch an introduction! Your diverse experiences—school projects, personal work, summer jobs—contribute to a skill set desired in the audio industry, and can be tailored to each new set of job qualifications and requirements. When I first started applying to internships and short-term positions in college, I was nervous that my lack of experience would be seen as undesirable. However, being fresh and ready to learn made me a sponge for knowledge, and gave you the opportunity to express open-mindedness and interest in exploring many facets of a position, company, studio, etc: flexibility is a needed asset, especially in professional audio. Chances are, you probably have more experience than you think.

These pointers are intended to ease any worries as you embark on your professional journey in the audiosphere—whether a recent graduate, transitioning from another industry, or carving your path as a freelancer. It’s easy to lose sight of your worth and feel discouraged, but your skills are invaluable in this industry, and your efforts won’t go unnoticed.

Thank you for reading. You can find more insights on audio to come on my blog here at SoungGirls.org. Wishing you the best in networking, building your portfolio, and pursuing your dreams in audio!

Returning to Work: Reopening Broadway Post-COVID

Broadway was dark for 18 months starting March 12, 2020. I was head sound on a musical when we shut down. When all the COVID closures were ramping up, I knew Broadway would close soon, but I didn’t know it would be that soon—nor did I think it would be for so long. Nobody did. And I did what pretty much everyone in our business did during the pandemic: Actively sought ways to not lose my freaking mind while wondering if I would have to answer the question of who I am without a gig. I stripped wallpaper and re-alphabetized my bookshelves and my spice cabinet. I shredded 20-year-old paperwork and vacuumed my attic. You know, the usual.

What, you didn’t vacuum your attic?

When the George Floyd killing happened, shows started having company Zoom meetings where we could talk about what was going on. People talked about concerns ranging from race relations to mental health to COVID protocols.

We talked a lot about treating our fellow humans as humans and understanding that we can’t make assumptions about anyone’s situation or how they’re doing. We discussed how it’s part of our job to consider the way we make our coworkers feel: Are we being considerate, or are we assuming that what everyone needs is just a dose of our personalities? Everyone assured everyone else that when we returned to work, it was going to be different.

And it was different…just not in all the ways I thought they meant.

Reopening protocols

The first day back in the theater to reopen my show in the fall of 2021 started with a debriefing by the house COVID officer. This was after we’d shown proof of vaccination, demonstrated proper N-95 masking, and got our names checked off against the pre-approved list at the stage door. The debrief was the usual stuff: Masks are required and there were extras if we needed them, wash your hands a lot, social distance wherever possible.

We began the very surreal process of seeing what state our show was in after 18 months dormant. My biggest surprise was the lack of rodent activity around the console. Turns out, without audiences dropping their candy and snacks between the seats, mice seek more fertile pastures. Who knew?

Taking personal responsibility

Moment of honesty here: I drink a lot of water. I’m kind of a jerk about it, constantly asking people how their water intake is because hydration is legit one of the best things you can do for your health. When I’d drained my 32-oz bottle this first morning, I went to go fill it up like normal. But the water coolers were pulled out and disconnected. The unexpected long period of disuse made them mildew and new ones hadn’t arrived yet. No big deal.

At the coffee break I went out and bought a couple of giant bottles because I advocate personal responsibility (I’m impatient, and it’s faster).

When we broke for lunch, I dumped my tools and stopped in the women’s restroom. I started washing my hands and then realized there was no soap. Like, zero. And no paper towels.

For a little context, I’m often the only woman on a crew. Most load-ins I do, there’s no toilet paper in the ladies’ room. The housekeeping staff doesn’t start working until the actors move into the theater. Guy stagehands end up stealing the paper out of the ladies’ room because they run out (housekeeping isn’t there to replace their TP, either) and hey, there aren’t very many women, anyway. While it pisses me off, I would absolutely do the same thing were the tables turned and I’m used to carrying my own Starbucks napkins into the john because, again, it’s a faster solution.

But I’ve never used a theater bathroom without any soap in it.

What a COVID safety officer does and doesn’t do

I left the restroom, hands dripping, fully cognizant of the fact that I’d just used my wet, unwashed hands to open the door in a major breach of COVID (and decent humanity) protocols, and wandered around looking for hand sanitizer closer than FOH. Then I remembered the COVID officer. We had someone on site helping us with whatever we needed that was COVID-related.

I found him and said, through my properly fitted N-95 mask, “Hey, the ladies’ room doesn’t have any soap or paper towels. I figured I’m supposed to tell you.”

And he replied, “Yeah, the housekeeping staff doesn’t come in until the actors are in the building.”

I waited for the part where he said he’d take care of it, being the COVID officer and all, but that didn’t happen.

Acknowledging reality

I have 25 years of experience in the business at this point. I’m no stranger to gender discrimination or crew being treated as less than. But not providing soap during a pandemic after having a freaking meeting before we’re allowed to work about how we need to wash our hands? I was blown away.

And I was surprised by how bent I got.

What this said to me was that the crew didn’t matter, and especially not me. Hard to not take personally the lack of soap in the ladies’ room as the only worker on-site impacted by it. And yes, I’m aware that I’m allowed to use whichever bathroom I choose. Rest assured that as the only woman on the crew, I was doing exactly that.

I was angry with myself for being bothered in the first place and not just happening to have hand soap on me. I was angry for believing the industry meant the crew when it spoke of treating people more equally. And then I was angry at the COVID officer because it seemed to me that if this was his job, he should’ve had some hand soap in his kit.

Advocating for change starts with personal responsibility

Straight up: I’ve been less than graceful about Soapgate. The feelings that come up now when I tell the story prove to me that I haven’t yet let go of the resentment. I’ve mulled and percolated. I knew at the time this was more about soap and water, and I wanted to sift through what it was.

In the meantime, until the actors came into the building, I carried hand sanitizer into the restroom along with my Starbucks napkins and brought three liters of water with me every morning. You might think I would have simply placed a bottle of hand soap in the restroom, but after having not worked for 18 months, that level of forward planning and organization was beyond me.

Besides, had I done that and someone swiped it, I probably would’ve become entirely unhinged.

If we’re going to make changes in this industry—changes toward prioritizing well-being, changes toward gender and racial equality, and changes toward the crew being treated as the true partners that they are in every production—we’ve got to start with personal responsibility. Without that, we’re embracing victimhood, not advocacy.

What personal responsibility means

I start by evaluating what about the situation is within my control. I take the action that I can. And then I usually have a conversation with someone. That brings more information and helps inform my next actions.

Sometimes taking personal responsibility is leaving an unsafe job site, as we saw last year with the Blue Ridge Rock Festival. Sometimes it’s making those decisions on behalf of the crew you supervise. It may be having a difficult conversation with someone above you to get clarity about responsibilities and expectations. It’s always taking a moment for yourself to first acknowledge what you need inside your own head. And sometimes it’s stocking up on hand sanitizer, napkins, and water while you allow yourself to process—and possibly imagine petty, vindictive, and highly entertaining revenge scenarios in your head.

How are you taking personal responsibility for your well-being?

 

Julie M. Sloan has served as A1 on Broadway’s Tina: The Tina Turner Musical, SpongeBob Squarepants, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, On Your Feet, Jesus Christ Superstar (2012 revival), Guys and Dolls (2009 revival), and Jersey Boys from its inception at La Jolla Playhouse in 2004, as well as the tours of Hairspray (First National) and Jesus Christ Superstar. She was A2 on Broadway’s Ain’t Too Proud and the tours of Aida (First National) and Annie Get Your Gun (2000 Revival First National).
She holds a degree in Audio Technology from the Indiana University School of Music and has mixed everything from a tree planting ceremony with the Dalai Llama to monitors for GWAR.

She left full-time industry commitments to pursue writing and health coaching in November 2021. Currently a sub mixer on Broadway for both SIX and Hamilton, she is in the editing stages of her first book, Lights, Camera, Breakdown: Raising the Curtain on Workplace Well-Being.

Getting the Best Performance From Singers in your Studio

There are many tutorials and blogs out there titled something like “tricks for recording stellar vocals” or something along those lines. We’ve all seen them. They all cover the same type of information; what preamps to use, the best vocal mic, mic placement, acoustic space treatment, mic technique, etc. rather than addressing what I think is the most important element: getting the best emotional, confident and believable performance out of your vocalists! As important as the equipment and recording techniques are, what does it matter if the singer has not given their best performance? As the engineer and/or producer, you can absolutely make or break the emotional/mental state of the singer in your studio.

Here’s the thing. Most singers are incredibly nervous or at the very least, a bit anxious when they come to record vocals. They usually have inner demons waiting to hammer them with all the worst words a demon can muster. Your singers will love working with you if you can put them at ease in every way possible. What it comes down to is how the singer feels. They need you to wear other hats besides just “engineer” and “producer” during the session. You must also be a therapist, life coach, cheerleader, bff and psychic.

Now, you can complain all day long that singers need to be professional and just deal with the stress and blah blah blah. But have you not figured out that the vocals are the most important part of the song? It doesn’t matter if you have the best drum sounds on the planet or the coolest guitar solo ever created. If the vocal falls flat, the song will not connect with people.

I know you want your singer (whether they are Kelly Clarkson good or not) to give the best vocal performance of their life in your recording session. So shift your mindset from being the dude/dudette at the console to being the singer’s advocate, sharing the common goal of creating a killer piece of art. Here is my list of the top eleven things you must do to get the best vocal performance from your singer ever.

  1. Provide a low-stress, comfortable environment. Do what you can to make the temperature comfortable (for us home studio owners, this can be difficult in the summer when you have to turn the AC off but do your best with fans, windows open between takes, etc.) This also means making sure they know ahead of time if you are going to have any visitors or observers. And if possible, keep your schedule open enough to where they don’t feel rushed in or out.
  2. Start with one run-through of the entire song as a “warm-up”. Record that first take, but tell them it’s just a warm-up. Because it is. But it’s also a take. I’m surprised at how often I go back to that warm-up take to use a word or a phrase at comping time because it was their best take.
  3. Let them hear themselves back after the warm-up take, whether it sounded good or bad, with some compression and EQ and a bit of reverb sweetening so that they sound legit. I’m not sure how or why this happens, but when they hear themselves played back the first time, it gives them the confidence they need to level everything up once you start doing real takes. Especially if they sang that first take timidly, they’ll hear themselves singing all wimpy and tell themselves, “Wait. I totally got this.”
  4. Be willing to adjust the input gain, but do it carefully. Some singers are very dynamic and will about blow the roof off on their loudest notes and be whisper-soft during the quiet spots. Others will be more even. You can figure this out very quickly during the warm-up take. As you decide what sections to record (see #6), if you need to adjust gain for the different sections, then coordinate it so you will only need to adjust the gain once; maybe twice so as to not have level change issues. What I have seen is engineers telling the singers to not sing so loudly. Which throws them totally off. Now they are holding back and in their heads and self-conscious. Rather than telling them to not sing so loudly, or softly, be the engineer that embraces their dynamics and finds the technical solutions to capture it best. (*If their technique is really bad, that’s a different conversation 😉
  5. Don’t do takes just for the sake of getting takes. I’ve had vocal files sent to me recorded at another studio where I had 8…9…12 takes of the entire song. And guess what? They all sounded pretty much the same. Sometimes it does take a singer a few takes to get into their groove, and that’s fine. But if you are working with a pretty seasoned singer, after the warm-up take, you might only need 3 or 4 to make sure you can comp the best vocal take ever. Going through the entire song and having them do 10 to 12 takes will make them pretty tired. The takes will diminish in quality and won’t be useable anyway.
  6. Record the song in sections. Ninety-nine percent of the time, this is the best way to go when recording a vocalist. When they are singing the warm-up take, make note of sections that seem harder for them, places where they have to take a catch breath in the middle of a phrase, and parts that might be too high or too low. Most singers have a harder time singing low when their voice is more warmed up so have them start with the low sections. The cheerleader hat comes on for the hard parts. Get really good at punching in and punching out so that they can get a great take on difficult notes that might need a focused breath right before or a vocal “placeholder” (more on that later). If there is a section that is especially hard or taxing on them vocally, only get a few good takes, then move on, go back again later if needed.
  7. Take a break if they seem tired (either you can see fatigue or you can hear fatigue). Chit-chat, offer them water, and start asking questions about them so you can get to know them better. Get their mind off of it for a bit.
  8. For crying out loud, don’t get mad at them when they are not meeting your expectations! Need I say more? Really. Yelling at them, showing frustration with passive-aggressive comments, mocking them, or whatever will most definitely not help the session go any better.
  9. Emotionally engage with the song they are recording. It seems like a no-brainer but one thing I hear from vocalists who love to record with me is that most engineers “just hit record and check out”. If the singer is struggling with getting the emotion to come across or can’t decide between two different deliveries, they could use your opinion! They may even ask for it and if all they get is a shrug from you, they take that as a sign that they are completely on their own with this. Listen to the lyrics. Discuss hidden meanings or motivations behind the song with the singer. If they wrote it, have them tell you the story behind the song. If they are creating a music video, have them tell you the visual concept and let that help drive the vocal decisions. Help them explore ways to sing this song in a way that will draw in the listeners.
  10. Let them do “vocal placeholders” if needed. I also call it “marking”. The first word of a verse can sometimes be the hardest to hit perfectly. A little trick for singers is to sing the note while the pre-roll is playing to keep the note in their voice. Then at the last second, they take their breath and begin singing the phrase. You’ll obviously need to edit out the placeholder note later. This can also be a great help when they are singing harmonies as sometimes the melody is so stuck in their mind, coming in on a harmony note accurately can be tricky.
  11. Have a good idea of where you will want doubles and multiple stacks of vocals before recording starts. You might get more than your 3 or 4 good takes in spots where you will want a fuller stacked sound, like in the chorus. It’s easier to get a few extra takes when you are first tracking that section than later when you are recording backing vocals. Sometimes you may not know what you’ll need until after the singer is gone. Once you have your lead vocal comp’d, use other good takes as doubles and stacks when inspiration strikes. You’d be surprised at how many times I decide quite far into the production process, long after the singer is gone that a double of that one phrase would bring the right emphasis to it. I use 2 of the other good takes (maybe even from the warm-up take) and add them to the final lead comp’d vocal – pan one hard left and the other hard right and there you have it.

***A word about auto-tune – The use of some type of tuning plug-in has become the industry standard, whether you like it or not. The problem is that the music we hear on our streaming playlists is littered with singers that sing un-humanly-possibly pitch perfect. For your vocal mix to stand scrutiny next to Dua Lipa and Shawn Mendez mixes, auto-tune must be used. It is not just about perfecting pitch within an inch of its life, but it is a processing effect that listeners, without realizing it, expect to hear on polished productions. Expecting a singer to sing as perfectly as the pop music coming from major labels is like expecting a model to walk into a photo shoot “photoshop perfect”. “Why do you have blemishes and scars? I don’t see those on any of the models in the Victoria Secret catalog.”

Not all productions call for the tightest auto-tune you can get, however. This is where you as the producer of the vocals must know the genre you are working in and stay true to that genre. I think of it on a scale of 1 to 10. Adele, as far as I can tell uses no to very little auto-tune (because she’s pretty pitchy haha). Similarly, some genres such as indie rock or alt-rock (think of Brandon Flowers from The Killers) require the singer to have some natural imperfections to keep the raw, emotional element of the song. You’d better believe their backing vocals are pitched, however. So if you’ve got a more soulful singer in a genre that is more forgiving of that effect, then keep the pitching loose and natural. If you are aiming for hit songs on the charts, you must learn how to massage auto-tune to where the singer still sounds “natural” (meaning, not robotic like T-Pain) but has no pitch imperfections. Melodyne is my plugin of choice for the most natural-sounding tool.

Follow these tips and I know you can become the singer’s favorite recording engineer! You’ll both benefit when the end product is something you can be equally proud of!

Some Theatre Things I’m Grateful for This Year

In the spirit of gratitude, this blog is dedicated to the late Brad Zuckerman, a brilliant mixer and stagehand who passed away suddenly this spring at the all-too-young age of 43. Brad’s original paperwork from the 2019 Off-Broadway revival of Rock of Ages is featured in some of my 2021 blogs. He was a cherished coworker to all, and something of a big brother to me in the industry. Brad: no one who met you could ever forget you. You were a fantastic sound human. But more than that, you always took my calls when I needed to vent or ask for help, and you taught me in two short weeks how to steer a ship through any storm, whether it be equipment or PR-related. I am grateful to have gotten to know you and worked with you as many times as I did.

Happy Belated Holidays, all! In the spirit of the season, I thought I would use this blog to reflect on some of the theatre industry’s biggest moments and milestones from this past year. It has been a big year, and while there is still a lot of work to be done to make this sector (and the world at large) more diverse, equitable, accessible, and welcoming, there has also been a lot of good progress made as well. And for that, we can be grateful.

So without further ado, here are my top theatre-centric gratitudes for 2023.

More Breaking of the Gender Binary on Broadway

This past June, J. Harrison Ghee and Alex Newell made history by becoming the first openly nonbinary performers to win Tony Awards in the performance categories. Newell won Best Featured Actor in a Musical for their portrayal of Lulu in Shucked and Ghee won Best Leading Actor in a Musical for their portrayal of Jerry/Daphne in Some Like it Hot. Notably, Ghee portrays a character who goes through a gender identity exploration as part of their character arc. The portrayal of more gender-expansive characters onstage and the well-earned accolades being given to these performers are both huge steps forward after similar groundbreaking milestones last year, which gave us the first openly trans acting nominee (L. Morgan Lee for her role in A Strange Loop) and the first openly nonbinary winner of Best Score (Toby Marlow for Six: The Musical, with co-writer and co-composer Lucy Moss).

In 2015, when Jeanine Tesori and Lisa Kron became the first all-woman team to win Best Score for Fun Home, Tesori gave us the quote “for girls, you have to see it to be it.” I referenced this back in my very first SoundGirls blog (https://soundgirls.org/my-new-years-resolutions-for-broadway-nyc-theatre/) and it feels resonant here as well. It can be hard for those of us who are not cis men to believe that we are capable of greatness when we have never seen someone who looks like us or identifies the same way as we do achieve it. And having not one but two performers outside the gender binary be voted best in their respective categories and get to give acceptance speeches on national television is a big deal.

Of course, there is still work to be done. A third openly nonbinary performer in the 2023 Broadway season, Justin David Sullivan (who plays the character May in the musical &Juliet), chose to remove themselves from Tony eligibility rather than have to choose whether to compete as “actor” or “actress.” Last season, the nonbinary performer Asia Kate Dillon (who had played Malcolm in a revival of Macbeth) also withdrew themselves from consideration for the same reason. Gendered categories in any awards are inherently exclusive, and the fact that they only seem to exist for performance-related awards speaks to the double standard that society has long held about the abilities of men vs. women. But nonetheless, these big wins by Ghee and Newell represent a step forward, and I’m grateful that their brilliant performances were recognized.

Hot Labor Summer/Year

 

The highly publicized strikes by workers in the WGA and SAG-AFTRA this summer and fall brought some much-needed attention to the current state of the creative economy in the US. All American TV and film production came to a halt for over 100 days. Daytime and late-night talk shows went off the air. Thousands of workers were willing to give up their incomes and livelihoods to band together and take a stand against the AMPTP, the organization of studios and producers with whom they bargain to secure a contract. Actors and writers were fighting for better wages (especially for streaming content) and against the threat of jobs being lost to AI, such as producers using scripts written with or by ChatGPT, or face scans of performers being used without their consent or compensation in TV shows or movies. And as of this writing, they seem to be on the way to prevailing. WGA has secured and approved a fairer contract, while members of SAG-AFTRA are currently voting on whether to ratify their new contract. Both unions (along with others who picketed in solidarity like IATSE and Teamsters Local 399) have returned to work. But the message of this strike has been heard loudly and clearly. Streaming has changed the way we consume media, and so the ways that we treat our entertainment workers must change too.

Also in the entertainment world, a vote by IATSE Pink Contract workers to authorize a strike came very close to shutting down 28 Broadway shows and 17 national tours. These stagehands were fighting for increased pay (with a goal of achieving parity with the Local One employees working alongside them) as well as guaranteed weekly and daily rest periods to combat the long and exhausting days and weeks that are often faced by touring crews. Gains were made, and a strike was averted, but there is still more work to be done. And I am grateful that the population at large is now more aware of the power imbalance that exists between labor and employers, and that thanks to these and other big labor moments this year, public sentiment is more pro-union than ever.

Side note: This all was of particular importance to me because, after many years of effort, I was finally able to join IATSE myself this year (shoutout to Local 74 of Southern CT)! I’ll have a lot more to say about it in a coming blog series that I’m calling “IATSE 101.” I’ll go over the history and importance of the stagehands union, share my own union story in more detail, and try to answer common questions about ACT cards, Pink Contracts, Local One, the benefits of joining the union, and more. So, if you have questions about this, send them my way (beccastollsound.com/contact), and look out for those blogs later in 2024!

Conscious and Unconscious Mentoring and Mentorship

 

Over the years, but especially since I began blogging, I’ve had the profound and unexpected blessing of people taking the time to let me know that I have been serving as a role model to them or to someone they know, sometimes without knowing it myself. I’m always so incredibly flattered by this, and thrilled to know that someone out there is possibly benefiting from my rambling on about what it’s like to work in this industry. If you read my blog on mentoring (https://soundgirls.org/on-mentorship/), you’ll know that this has become one of the most important things to me, because as Jeanine Tesori tells us, it helps us to be it when we can see it.

So, for this gratitude, I’d like to shout out some people I’ve gotten to see and thus aspire to be. These folks, especially the women, have shown me through their words and actions that anything I want to do is well within my reach. While this list isn’t exhaustive, I want to shout out (in no particular order): Bridget O’Connor, Chris Evans, Dillon Cody, Chris Lußman, Darren Shaw, Lucas Indelicato, Nate Putnam, Josh Liebert, Sam Lerner, Mackenzie Ellis, Carin Ford, Max Gutierrez, and fellow SG blogger Heather Augustine (read her stuff here https://soundgirls.org/category/blog/heather-augustine/). Special recognition goes to Badass Broadway Mixing Mamas Jillian Marie Walker and Anna Lee Craig. I especially want to be y’all when I grow up

To all these mentors and more, thanks for paying it forward even if you didn’t know it. I promise to keep doing the same every time I’m given the chance.

Y’ALL, MY READERS!

Lastly, I am grateful to everyone who has read along and/or reached out to me these past two years through SoundGirls. Keeping up this blog isn’t always easy to do on top of a hectic freelance theatre worker life, but it brings me a lot of joy, and I hope it has helped you to learn a little more about the crazy world of NYC theatre sound! A big thanks also to Karrie and the whole SoundGirls team for all the work they do to support this community. Together we truly are empowering the next generation of Women in Audio.

Orchestrating Success

A Symphony Of Self-Care, Career Goals, And Confidence For The New Year

As 2024 gets underway, the time for reflection and embarking on New Year’s resolutions is upon us. Whether our hopes and dreams for the next 12 months consist of overhauling many parts of our lives or maintaining and building on things that are already working. There are three main areas that can often benefit from a life audit.

Harmonising Self-Care For A Resonant Year

We hear the term “self-care” so much nowadays, but don’t always understand or apply it to our busy daily lives. If we think about ourselves with the same attitude we would give to an instrument or a piece of equipment, it can be surprising to observe the ways in which we neglect to maintain or tune up as often as we need. We know that cleaning our gear, changing our strings, and PAT testing our electronics is non-negotiable and that without these regular checks, we run the risk of poor performance at best, and a breakdown at worst.

Working to assess any repairs that are needed in ourselves or in our lives can give us direction on what we need to care for – in other words, understanding what is working and what is not. Where are the loose connections, broken parts, and out-of-tune bits in our physical and emotional lives? It can help us to reflect on whether these are things we need to fix or replace, or perhaps get rid of altogether.

 

Motivational guru Tony Robbins describes self-care as “regularly doing things for yourself that make you feel good”, and recommends scheduling it in so that it becomes a part of your regular routine. If we make a frequent habit of testing what’s working and reflecting on what makes us feel good, we can find a reliable baseline for fixing the cracks and eliminating the glitches before they become overpowering.

Composing Career Goals For A Melodious Journey

Setting career goals can sometimes feel as overwhelming or conversely, as exciting as writing a symphony – a delicate interplay of notes, movements, and rhythms that shape your professional narrative. What do you want the symphony to sound like, to convey, and what would you like the order of notes to be?

 

 

As Zig Ziglar wisely observed, “A goal properly set is halfway reached”. Each career goal is a note in the symphony of your life. Just as a composer carefully selects notes, choose goals that contribute meaningfully to your career narrative, and take the lead. There may have been dissonance, and movements that are slow and sad, however ultimately, we are the maestros able to compose the next part in contrast, one note at a time.

 

In addition to making SMART goals, the experts at verywellmind recommend asking yourself how motivated you are, reflecting on why your goals are important to you, setting a positive tone, and focusing on the process, not the outcome.

Without clear goals and intention, the possibilities are vast – it can feel as though we are sitting with our hands in front of 88 piano keys, with any one or more of them as a viable option. By narrowing down what notes you want to play, and holding the intention of enjoying the time spent composing, our energy becomes better directed, and our time well-spent.

Confidence Building for a Flourishing Performance

The first time we do something, it’s very rarely perfect or great. This is why we practice, and why we strive for our 10,000 hours to master our skills and build our muscle memory. We learn different permutations, troubleshooting, and problem-solving. Whether we are playing an instrument, working with technology, or just our bodies, the repetition of doing something well is the same.

Brian Tracy encourages consistent practice, noting that “The key to success is action.” Building confidence can be paradoxical – it takes confidence to start something new, to do something for the first time, or to try things outside of our comfort zone. By taking the leap, we build more confidence in ourselves and our abilities. By incorporating practice and repetition as we would if we were learning a new instrument, we get better, we grow more confident in ourselves, and we become less fearful of the unknown.

Buddhist Monk and mindfulness extraordinaire Thich Nhat Hanh put it best when he said: “Fearlessness is not only possible, it is the ultimate joy. When you touch non-fear, you are free”.

As we step into the new year, remember that self-care, career goal-setting, and confidence-building are the notes that form the symphony of your success. Tune up your mind, body, and spirit like you would your equipment, decide what your masterpiece will be in 2024, and work on composing it day by day.

 

How I Record at Home 

Recording commercial music in a bedroom, a basement, or even a garage instead of a professional studio seems to be the norm these days, especially after the pandemic forced people to stay away from public spaces for so long. Even before that time though, many self-taught producers have put together home studios as part of the learning process and have released great records from these sacred spaces. My favorite example of an album recorded mostly at home is WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO? by Billie Eilish, which was released in 2019 and received several Grammy awards. Since beginning my journey as an independent artist, I’ve resorted to home recording for its convenience. I have a low budget, work remotely with other producers, and am in a smaller town with fewer studios available. There’s certainly no right way to have a home set up, so long as you can capture the desired sound. Below are some details of my home recording process to inspire you to set up your own budget-friendly space.

I adapted my main studio space from my bedroom, utilizing a large office desk for listening and recording and my dresser drawers for storing gear. Keeping some room acoustic principles in mind is important, but I believe it’s not a dealbreaker if you can’t find the perfect spot in your allocated space. We can make do with what we’ve got and adjust accordingly. My room isn’t a perfect square which is good for minimizing room nodes. I’ve set my desk up along the longest wall with windows behind it. The windows are covered by thin shutters which I can use as diffusers, and if I’m looking for more isolation, I can easily drape blankets over them. I think it’s up to the producer how much acoustic treatment is needed. Being the cheapy cheapscape I am, I just keep all my blankets around for when I need them and clean up additional room noise using iZotope RX9 as part of my editing process.

At my desk, I primarily record vocals and occasionally acoustic guitar. My guitar has a DI option available, so I typically record that with a microphone pointing to the body of the guitar at some distance to capture different textures. For quick vocal layering, I use a portable vocal shield over my microphone and punch record while sitting at my desk. When recording lead vocals, however, I set up a makeshift booth in my closet for more precision. I’m going for a dryer sound, so I still use the vocal shield in the closet. For extra precaution, I set up my blankets on the floor and used the hangers in my closet to drape them along the walls. It seems tedious, but I usually spend the whole day in my “booth” working through multiple sessions so I can spend the rest of my time editing in my main space. It also guarantees I won’t capture my dog’s snores in my room…

I keep the gear I use simple and consistent because it’s more efficient for me to keep equipment and levels set up to my preference. It also makes it easier to troubleshoot any issues because I’m so familiar with my toolbox. For my microphone, I use an Audio Technica 4050 large diaphragm condenser microphone for vocals and acoustic guitar. I’ve found it to be a budget-friendly option for large diaphragm condensers that still capture higher frequencies accurately. I was kindly gifted my audio interface, the Universal Audio Apollo Twin Duo, which is a few years old now and works for my ProTools and Ableton sessions. It’s a great option for anyone recording at home who only needs a few inputs, but there are other options like a Focusrite Scarlett interface that are less expensive and will work just fine. The magic in a recording will most likely come from you and not the gear you use.

For loudspeakers, I’ve had the Kali Audio LP-6 monitors for a few years now, and they are an awesome budget-friendly choice for a new home studio. I have them set up on my desk with foam barriers underneath, and I measure my listening position on a weekly basis (mostly because I have a very curious studio cat). The most important aspect of having a good home listening environment for me is having references and knowing how my space sounds. I keep a Spotify playlist of mixes I’m familiar with, and I check mixes on my headphones, speakers, iPhone, AirPods, and especially my car where I spend most of my time listening to music. I also check my mixes with other producers and friends and family so I don’t get stuck in my mind and my room.

The final touch to any home studio is to invite your aesthetic and energy into it. I love having candles, crystals, plants, and my pets in my room to raise the vibrations. I’m integrated entirely into the recording process because I have this small but sacred space that is uniquely mine. Traditional studios are still incredible places to create and record, but for now, I’ve found a method that works great with my lifestyle as an independent artist with engineering capabilities. I hope this inspires you to put together your home studio, big or small.

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